Well, Vang Vieng has totally broken me, it is by far the most mental place I have ever been to in my life. I still can’t find words to describe it. If you want to go to a party town then I am sure nowhere in the world can compete. Imagine Spring Break, with Phi Phi and a bit of Full Moon Party in there, and you have tubing and I loved it.
As it was taking its toll on us all, Simon and I decided to take a break and have a night off and we found a restaurant that had the United v Spurs game and took a seat. Picking up the menu was an eye-opener itself, so it seems you could watch the match whilst also eating an opium pizza and a bag of weed on the side.
We all decided that we best leave Vang Vieng else we would never leave.
We booked a trip to Don Det, otherwise called 4000 Islands. This is 1000km away, at a total cost of £20. It would mean travelling for 24 hours and taking 2 buses, 1 sleeper bus, and 1 boat. It’s crazy how much this is costing when it’s about the same price as getting a taxi back from Poulton after a night out.
Valium was passed around the bus to ease the pain of the trip and as I am a bellend and I have always refused drugs I would be one of the few on this bus that I would be doing this epic trip hardcore and not taking the easy way out like some of the people on there, whilst they were happily asleep I had 24 hours of looking out the window, listening to my iPod and just generally thinking about shit. I wish I had taken the Valium now.
it’s amazing what can come into your head when you’re bored, thinking where to travel next, what car to buy, and what food you could eat now if I could have anything to eat, then Justin Bieber came on my iPod and I had a laugh to myself as I always wind Holly up that it was her favourite song and remember when we decided to write BIEBER in the sand, each letter about 10 feet tall, to then realise once we had got to the top of the steps on the promenade to look at our masterpiece that we had actually spelled his name as BEIBER! Jesus, we are shit, and god, I am missing her loadsssssssss.
As I looked out the window it was very sad to see how poor people are, the places they live are really bad but then you see randomly a really nice house, I would even say a mansion but then about 20 huts, then another really nice place. This would really piss me off as I would be in my little hut whilst I could see Billy Big Balls next door chilling in his hammock watching Family Guy drinking a Chang Beer!
A few hours into my journey my arse starts going dead, which seems a common occurrence on this trip and there are so many arse shuffles you can do until you look like you need a poo and start getting people looking at you. The girl next to me soon realised I was having arse problems. I was getting some weird looks.
We finally get to the final leg of our journey, the short boat trip to the island where we will be staying.
Now I do not know what it is with me on this trip, but for some reason, weirdos seem to follow me around and want to spend time with me. As I was sitting waiting for the guide to take us on the boat, a guy, who was clearly not on the trip decided to follow us and he kept staring at me and trying to get my attention. Everyone else quickly distanced themselves from me, as they didn’t want him to speak to them.
He also turned up in the restaurant and then sat at our table, didn’t say anything and fell asleep, which was pretty awkward.
We walked around the island, and we soon realised we would have to rough it up big time. We were staying in a wooden hut, I would not even say a hotel/hostel, the bathroom was outside underneath the hut and had no sinks at all and I had to sleep on a dirty mattress on the floor. As it was pretty late it was dark now and what we didn’t know at the time was that this was a bloody farm!!! They had 2 pigs, chickens, dogs, and all other random animals walking around.
In the middle of the night, I needed the toilet so I headed downstairs, under the rooms, past a pig, over the dogs, and through the chickens. It was pitch black and all I had to guide me was a small torch on my head, so it was like something from a horror movie and you were waiting to see what else you would come across. I eventually got to the toilet and low and behold the biggest pig you have ever seen was standing there looking at me, standing right in front of the loo so I was not able to get in. This pig must have been 20-odd stone. I first tried the traditional, “shoo shoo” which didn’t work. I then tried, “Come on, move”, and used hand movements hoping he would understand it meant to move. It must have taken 10 minutes of different hand movements and using my torch to try and flashlight away from the toilet he eventually decided to move.
The next day we decided to book a Kayakking day out which involved 2 of us rowing down the river, stopping at a few waterfalls, having lunch, and then heading back to watch the sunset, which sounds amazing doesn’t it?????
What they didn’t tell us at the time was that it would be bloody knackering, rowing 15 km, through rapids and literally dying on the river!!! It was fun for the first 15 mins as we had little races but this soon got a bit boring and then 4-5 hours later the boredom had kicked really in and we were ready to go back to the farm.
On our way back we got to some rapids and flew into them, our kayak flipped over. I went under and Simon disappeared, he then appeared and we got dragged down the river, with no Kayak. I am confident in the water as my mum is a Swimming Teacher, and this is the only time in my life I actually thought shit I could drown here. The life jacket didn’t work and thankfully the Kayak caught up with us and I held onto it. We managed to get back on the Kayak and had just about gotten over it when rapid number two came up, but this time we decided to not try and row but hold on and go with the flow of the river, the plan seemed a good idea, but we got this wrong. Our Kayak suddenly went backward and threw us into bushes and stranded us. After a few minutes, we eventually managed to get out of the bushes and head up to the river.
We finally reach the last waterfall, the largest in South East Asia and to be fair it was good. I then saw someone eating ice cream so I went and bought one from the girl. As I was walking away a girl stopped me and said “You look more pleased with that than the waterfall”.
What I should have said was something like, “Yeah, it’s pretty hot, but the waterfall is nicer”, but for some reason, I said, “It’s a double choc royale cornetto this, it shits all over that waterfall”. She looked at me and seemed lost for words, to make it worse, I then decided for some reason to say “I am going to go eat my ice cream now over there”.
We finally got back to Don Det. I got off the Kayak and onto the beach and took my vest off. Suddenly, a few people were laughing at me and I had no idea why, then Shaun, took me to a window so I could see. I literally had the most obvious tan line you will ever see it looked like I had a white vest on. Pretty embarrassing.
The next day we left the farm and headed for another 17-hour trip, this time to Cambodia.
The trip was hell, the buses were awful, and the seats kept falling back and I cut my knee on the seat as it bounced along the awful roads. Another hell journey.
We got to Cambodia in the end and we decided we needed to treat ourselves so we booked into a $ 30-a-night hotel for a bit of luxury. You know you have been travelling a long time when you get excited over soap, and you have a mirror in the bathroom.
Cambodia looks awesome so far.